And if you’re doing neither of these two things, just what the hell are you doing in my company?

It’s true. All business comes down to just two primary functions:

• Businesses MAKE stuff, and,

• Businesses SELL stuff.

And people who do neither of these two things are just what they technically define to be … OVERHEAD!

Oh, sure … somebody has to keep SCORE … and that’s why the Great Creator invented BEANERS.

And, I “allow for” ONE beaner per company. One. Plus, outside beaners as required.

Look around at your company right now. What do you see?

Because if you see lots of people who cannot tell you how they either make or sell YOUR “stuff”, then my advice is “update your resume”.

Because somebody has opened the barn door and let the “Illusion of Movement” people IN to your company. And that’s BAAAD, baby. Real bad!

The WHAT, you say Ron?

The “Illusion of Movement” (hereinafter “IOM”) people. You can spot them, but you have to look really, really hard for them --- especially the older ones, who have learned how to “blend in” to the local environment. You see, the IOMers have mastered the art of looking like they are working, when in fact; they are merely standing in place.

(Kind of like those lines at Disney World … you know, you get in line and you move like hell, but after 45 minutes, you realize that you are only about thirty lineal feet closer to your goal.)

So, what do IOM people do? Well, they can frequently be found in meetings. Meetings are a GREAT place for IOMers; after all, where else can you legitimately “hide” for hours on end without ever having to actually DO anything?

Now there is one way to trap a meeting-centric IOMer, and this is accomplished by posting a “sentry” at the doorway. You see, IOMers are usually the first ones IN to a meeting (they want o be SURE that it STARTS, doncha know?), and yet they will often find ways to leave early. (It’s a “ticket-punching” thing … to the boss, “he’s in a meeting” … but in reality, he’s on his way HOME.) So, your sentry watches for and records this behavior. And sometimes, you’ll catch a bona-fide IOMer this way.

IOMers can also chew up HUGE amounts of “fallow time” by traveling. But, and unlike their hard-charging (well, sometimes) sales brethren, non-sales IOMers will NEVER take either the first flight (so as to arrive BEFORE the workday starts) or the last flight (so as to be flying on personal, and not company time).

No, an IOMer will ALWAYS travel “after 10:00 and BEFORE 2:00”.

Always.

Why? Because then the IOMer can leave two VERY KEY messages on his voice mail back at the shop. The first one goes like this … “I’ll be out of my office today, traveling on business” … then, and upon arrival (and remember, voicemail is a traveling IOMer’s very best friend!) the message is changed to, “I’m in Dallas today (the IOMer must be careful to record this particular message VERY LATE at night) and tomorrow, and I’ll be back in my office the day after that.”

See the beauty? The guy leaves the host city on a noon flight, flies to Dallas (two hours plus baggage and hotel limo), and walks the beach until sundown. That kills day one. Day two he HAS to show up at the regional office, but remember … he MUST catch that 3:00 flight home. (“I never take the last flight of the day … hell, I can remember them once canceling that flight and I didn’t get home till the weekend!”)

I once owned a company by the name of “Meras”, and our theme song was, “Meras, Meras, fight-fight-fight. Work all day and fly all night.”

It worked. Great company.

You can also find IOMers at seminars, studying “strategic reports”, talking about last night’s game, and a host of other things that never require accountability and/or can never quite be measured.

Now, a cynic would say that I am being a cynic. And, like all great stories, I admit to SOME “stretch” here in order to get my point across.

But even if I AM using some humor to make my point, who among us would NOT admit that, and in just about ANY corporation, some 80% or the real work gets done by no more than 20% of the people? I’m talkin’ real work. TOUGH work. HARD work.

Work like … well, selling. And, work like “solving tough problems” --- especially problems that can only be resolved by confrontation --- for example, LEAVING YOUR OFFICE TO CONFRONT TWO OR MORE PEOPLE.

(BTW, You’ll NEVER, EVER, EVER see an IOMer “confront” someone in order to resolve a problem. It just doesn’t happen.)

You wanna know the best way to run a lean and efficient (and therefore profitable) company? (Hell, you already DO!) Just do these three things:

• Keep your IOMers to less than 1% of your staff,

• Hire people that MAKE stuff and/or SELL stuff, and,

• Never delegate away your inalienable right to hire and fire. Because the minute you get a “softy” to handle your hiring and firing is the same minute that you begin to hire softies!

Hey! I wish this wasn’t so. I really do.

But it is, and you can either agree and fight it, or disagree and deal with the consequences.

And, congratulations to ALL of you people out there who have figured this out and who then run successful and profitable companies that, and simply put, “make and sell”!