Customers. I Love ‘em.

They are the “raison d’etre” of every business, and not one of them must ever be taken for granted.

A few years back, I was in a pretty thick mess with a local “Mega-Bank”. In short, they lost a whole lot of my money.

And, while this was all going on, they were also running a promotion. It went like this, “Open a brand-new checking account of $10K or more, and we’ll give you two round-trip, overseas airplane tickets.”

Since I was already in (some pretty nasty) discussion with this particular bank’s executive management (about all the money they had managed to lose for me), I asked one of their muckety-muck execs the following question, “Like, where are MY plane tickets, scoob?” (“Scoob” being a reference to my kid’s favorite cartoon character, “Scooby-Doo”.)

I figured that I was owed maybe a few thousand of these premiums, since not only did I have a TON of money in their bank at that time, we had also put some $100,000,000 (that’s $100 MILLION) bucks through their bank over the past ten or so years.

Of course, I wasn’t technically opening a new account, so …. no Europe for me!

Amazing? Naw. This kind of stuff happens every day. All you have to do is look for it.

You see, somewhere between start-up and “blubbering whale”, a company loses sight of its customers (not to mention toes). For one thing, the CEO stops calling on his or her counterparts at the customer’s headquarters. Soon, he is getting second-hand information about his “valued customers”. Soon after that, this becomes third-hand information.

And when companies reach “blubbering” in size (often because their brass eats up so much cost buying airplanes and golf courses/chalets in Utah), the people who used to go out and at least “show the flag” to customers stopped being dispatched. After all, these folk aren’t contributing to margin. No good!

“We need more new customers!”, the cry goes out, “Our old ones (customers) are no longer loyal! It must be competitors luring them away with price deals!”

(Remember, no company will admit that their customers left them for any reason but price.)

And so, you get “programs” … just like the above-described airline ticket program … AND, the Ponzi Game is on! Now, we must fill the bucket with the big hole in its bottom. More sales! Less service!

And who now talks to customers? Why computers, of course! After all, customers aren’t WORTHY of the time and cost of a real human being (well, unless he’s in El Salvador). Customers don’t mean “new money” … they create work and headaches. And so they must only be “held-onto”. No more than that.

Ever try to reach a human at a certain, local airline? You can’t. Because they don’t even want you to!

Last fall, and while watching a Steelers football game (@ 2:00 in the afternoon) with my six year old son, we had to endure commercial after commercial about sex, violence, and similar horrid things that should escape young and innocent ears for at least another five or six years.

I was so incensed by this non-stop river of ribaldry that the very next day, I dictated a series of letters decrying such garbage on Sunday afternoon. I sent copies of these letters to the local station that carried both the Steelers games and the smut; to the television network executives who got the smut to the local station; and to the Federal Communications Commission who ostensibly is in business to protect young children from such filth.

I also sent copies to a talk-host/attention-seeker who hosts a radio show and normally jumps on this kind of stuff (except that this time, the “defendant” is also in bed with his employer --- they at least share the same call letters).

That was October. And yes, I still check my mail each day.

I often wonder how a real start-up might react to a customer complaint such as mine.

The other day, I took one of my customers to a basketball game. I asked about his wife, whom I know, and he asked about my wife and kids (whom HE knows). We talked about things to make our relationship work more smoothly and we’re all the better for having spent the time together.

Oh, and I’m still waiting for a call-back from the executive vice president of that aforementioned “mega-bank”. I’m sure he will ‘cuz his secretary’s assistant assured me that they would.

After all, that was ONLY in 2002.